Upon Departure

* Queen Bee * 

all about me 

I am writing from the kitchen of the Walnut City Homestead! I will be writing more about that after spending some time really sinking into life here for a while. 

In preparation of departure this week, I was at the magic of memory as it is tied to location! As I completed my last errands, had my last (for now) meetings with friends, I got to spend a lot of time looking out windows of cars and busses, riding my bike and walking. I passed so many familiar places. It seemed that every street held the remembered presence of some interaction, some happenstance, some encounter or emotion or voyage that took place there at some point during my time living in Albuquerque over the past 10 years. As I said goodbye mentally to all of these places, it was like parting, also, with past forms of myself and ways that I had been in relationship to my world. These reoccurring passages of release feel peaceful and necessary to being able to experience a new place with my full attention. 

One of my favorite places by far is the petroglyph Mesa on the West border of town. In addition to having spent much reflective time there in many seasons, states of mind, and times of day, it is a place that reminds me more than ever of my family. Release does not mean regret; parting does not mean forsaking; opening to the new is built on the foundation of the old, not the forgetting of it. For roads that brought me here and roads that lead me forward, blessed be ~ 

* Workers * 

for doers and makers 

Some bits about sewing (from: Apron-making with the left-over pieces of my blanket project, made out of my favorite old wrap-around skirt).

POINT ONE: A hole on the edge or loose seams can be easily mended by simply...

  

• fold the two pieces facing each other 
• Sew about an eighth of an inch from the edge 

POINT 2: A frayed edge can be hemmed by simply... 

• Folding the edge over itself to make a straight line 

Sewing about an eighth of an inch in from the edge

POINT 3: A Pocket can be sewn by...

• Cutting out the pocket shape
• Folding the edges in to make straight edges 
• Pinning it to the back surface
• Sewing about an 8th of an inch from the edge 

POINT 4: A handy trick when changing directions is to lift the foot and keep the needle in the fabric; then you can rotate the fabric using the needle as an anchor.                               Finished apron! 

 
POINT 5: when your needle breaks it is time to go to bed

* Gatherers * 

for savorers of the sweet stuff 

                                                                        Thank you Melanie 

* Drones *

for lovers

         The story this week is about safety and danger, and the power of voice. The quote that keeps guiding me in quiet moments this week is where I shall begin here as well: 

"Awareness melts the ice of the automatic into the flow of evolution." 

The automatic is the system of brain patterns that we have been taught, learned, or picked up, directly or indirectly throughout the course of our lives, since the time we were born into this world. These patterns have served a purpose and have at times been useful as a way of operating in the world. The problem with something frozen solid like ice glaciers, though, is that it's rigidity inhibits it from being able to freely interact with and participate with what is currently taking place around it. This is the part about evolution. I understand evolution here as the constant, active dialog between a creature and its environment. As climates, landscapes, populations, food sources, and needs change, most creatures are able to notice these happenings and adjust their behavior to accommodate for the new circumstances. The magic of life within their cells can even begin to adjust physical characteristics and abilities. This miraculous process of adaptation can be seen as a dance between the inner and the out, the tiny piece and it's larger context. When we as humans accept rigid brain patterns that cause us to act based on an old story we tell ourselves about how something SHOULD be done, then we are cutting off some of our other senses, which are deeply in tune with what is CURRENTLY taking place, and which have the awesome ability to show us the best way forward through a situation, when we are listening.

             The practical life situation that I have seen correspond to this concept in the last few weeks is speaking up for oneself in uncomfortable, out-of-balance situations.  Many friends and I have recently experienced some kind of situation in which we felt mistreated, disrespected, invaded, or not appreciated. For us, the automatic brain patterns that we had learned to accommodate over time and which had become like frozen solid ice in our psyches, usually led us to react to these situations and people by keeping the status quo, avoiding confrontation, and immediately silencing our inner voice of instinct or "gut feeling" in order to give the other person the benefit of the doubt. In the end, this only left us feeling used, sad, discredited, dissatisfied, and worst of all, a subtle but terrible sense of self-betrayal. "Why didn't you stand up for me?" The inner child seems to ask; "Why do you honor me less than every other person you encounter?" the inner God-presence notices; "Why does keeping peace in the situation always have to come at the cost of my own well being?" the truest version of yourself urges. When we became aware of these patterns of interaction with people, my friends and I made a decision to really pay attention to that inner voice of intuition that always seems to notice immediately when something is "off" in a way that compromises our own dignity and integrity as people, and as women. After choosing to pay attention to this new awareness, we then have ourselves mental permission to act in accordance with that inner urging, even when that meant standing up to someone and speaking our own truth. A wonderful "melting" took place then! In a liquid form, we are able to respond much more readily to the needs and information offered by the situations taking place around us. Guided by a new sense of instinct that is in communication with the present moment, it is amazingly possible to FLOW with and around the changes in circumstance and environment that we find ourselves in. This active participation with the dance of adaptation, the give-and-take of life's evolution also seems to have some beautiful properties! Although it may SEEM that keeping quiet when something feels wrong and ignoring your own needs so someone else can feel comfortable, we don't actually know that, that "non-disrupted" outcome is actually the best thing at all! It seems that there are actually much better results when we act honestly and bravely in alignment with our inner sense of knowing! Whether we can see the positive outcome or not, when we respect ourselves and act accordingly, our honor and integrity inevitably work good for everyone else involved as well ~ 

"Awareness melts the ice of the automatic into the flow of evolution." 

Once I Wished On a Fountain...

* Queen Bee * 

It's true, not only did I wish on a fountain, but I wished for my wish on a coin that held the dream itself upon its back: an Oregon quarter. It flew into the air over my shoulder and fell with a splash behind my back, and once the coin is tossed, it seems, there's no going back! My bags are packed, with scattered bits to be stuffed or carefully maneuvered into the mix. I have one more week to spend soaking in the pleasures of my family and friends, and mentally preparing myself to recognize a totally new living environment as reality (these things take time for me...). During my last day at work today, I felt like I was in a giant game of Red Rover. "Red rover, red rover, send Melissa on over!" my friends in Oregon cry, and my loved ones here swing me, and swing me, and then fling me off; I anticipate the joy and relief of landing in the arms of my new chain of kindred links soon! 

* Workers * 

for doers and makers 

Some tips for making a light, fluffy, perfect pie crust: 

• Once dry ingredients are mixed, chop up the butter into squares and mix in. These little chunks will melt when baking, giving the crust it's light quality 
• Preferably, use a food processor so the mixing is fast and sustains little contact- do not kneed the dough because the longer and more vigorously it is touched, the more the gluten is released, making it sticky and thick
• When trying to weave the layers on the top, it can be useful use a sheet of wax paper to fold the strips back onto while you weave over and under 
• When baking, remember to cover the edges of the pie with a circle of tin foil whose center had been cut out, this way the center of the pie cooks while the crust doesn't burn! 

Ps. These are all the tips our mom gave us after eating our thick, nutty-flavored whole wheat crust for our Pears-from-Papa's-Tree-Pie, for which we did none of these things. We liked it; it was not light and flaky ;) 

           

* Gatherers * 

for savorers of the sweet stuff 

Here is a song that came to me a couple of months ago, in another full moon.

Sound Cloud recording of Lost Song

In the moon I remember

How hungry I have been

How my belly’s held the burn

How my eyes have seen the rim

Of the edge of the ocean

Where the possible is formed,

Snagging fringes of the question

Of why I was born.

Oh the artist never sleeps  

Holy restless, holy need

Oh you sacred shadow walkers

Oh you half and hoping breed

Can I kiss you, can I hold you

Are there arms enough to reach

Round the vastness of your calling;

Bid me enter bid me breach

Once I dreampt of a home

And since then I heard the word

That it happens in the soul

But I’m sensing still a circle

In the center of my torso

That’s longing even moreso

For a literal, loving home.  

In the rushing forth of water

The river may recall

How the rocks had slowly catered up

How time had built a wall

Oh the freedom of the binding

Of the soul to soul

This disparity’s been finding me

Both bitter, and bold.

(chorus) 

Oh the emptiness I’ve carried

Oh timidity and pain                

Eyes cast downward, waiting patiently

To take all earthly blame

Now the prophet stands on sturdy feet

The people crowd and strangers meet

And listening is clear and soft

And peace is here, the battle’s fought.

Oh weary separate soldiers,

Come and eat, leave your front lines

For the homestead, integrate your head

With living, tell a new tale

Where the brave are quick to listen slow to speak

When the speaking’s in repeat

Of what’s been told, what’s getting old

That we are fighting our way to the final defeat-

(chorus) 

* Drones *

for lovers

Today's reflections took into account some of the many wonderful and fascinating conversations I have had with friends over the last few weeks. I felt especially aware of the way that I can approach any question of life in an intellectual way, and thus any idea may be just that- an argument, a perspective, a persuasion. Though they may be stimulating or good for conversation, ideas and philosophies in and of themselves are not enough to truly satisfy me as I try to live each moment. I began to feel that much confusion and many situations that involve regret, mistakes, or second-doubts are often due to a basic disconnect with oneself. So what does it mean to be myself? I have come to this question thousands of times in my life, and I have come up with any number of intellectually-founded responses! But today I decided to go straight to a new question: what does it feel like to be me ? Taking nice, slow, deep breaths, I asked this question over and over again, and found my answer over and over again. There I was! So easily, so immediately, right behind all of the thoughts, beliefs, and stories that I could, and do, and very well may tell to myself, I already am myself, simply and presently here as Me- who else could it be!? And as I grow older, what this "me" is will most certainly change,  adapt, shift, and expand- but who I could become has very little to do with exactly who I am right now, in this moment. And right now in this moment, all of the parts of me that do currently exist are here, present, and real; I do not have to wait for anything to be fully me as I am now!  

Where Ends and Beginnings Meet

* Queen * 

it's all about me

The Queen bee is truly the director of the hive in that her presence is the enabler and motivation behind all of the activity that takes place, including building, scavenging, dancing, reproducing, moving... a Queen bee is not selected, but made, in a special cell, with special food, with a unique body that allows her to fulfill her roles as the hive's organizing factor. In this section of my blog I will give news about events going on in my life, and the unique ways that my own particular circumstances are taking form ~ 

The beginning of this blog marks and announces my shift into a whole new phase of life: I have decided (and circumstances have allowed for me) to move to McMinnville Oregon at the end of September! I am amazed that I am right now able to go follow my dreams to live in community and learn how to to live life in a more tangibly connected way, especially through growing food! Part of my vision for this change is seeking for creative ways to be a part of this changing world. As a young person today, I feel that many of the challenges faced by my generation have to do with trying to bridge gaps and construct compromises between the old and the new. As I've been reading in Michael Mead's book The World Behind the World, "When it seems that the end is near the origins of life are also closer. When seen through the old ideas of many cultures, endings and beginnings are both mythical occasions, both close to the place of origins and to the sources of all originality." Because of this, there is a special need for both Old remembering and Young creation of the new (no matter what age you are!). Another quote from Mead says, "When the oldest and the youngest capacities of the soul come together, then we have finally caught up with ourselves. Then, we can learn again how to hold the ends and the beginnings of this world together." 

Another compromise I feel many of us are facing is the mix between city and country, wholesomeness and convenience, passion and practicality. An Urban Homestead is a wonderful place for all of these forces to meet, a balancing hub for finding a way forward through the extremes. As I proceed forward, opening up to my new life, I hope that my own experience at this hub of joy and moderation can be of inspiration and interest to you, as you make your own way in this beautiful sea of mysterious paradox and ever-more-wonderful growth. 

I plan to arrange my blog according to these sections, so you can always feel free to brows to whatever bit catches your curiosity. Hope to see you here on Saturdays from now on, particularly beginning in October!                                                   Love always, Melissa Joy 

* Worker Bees * 

for do-ers and make-ers

In a hive, the worker bees comprise the majority of the population. They do everything from making the hive and the honey that fills its cells, to standing in the doorway and using their wings as fans, circulating outside breeze to keep the place from overheating. In this section of my blog, I will talk about some practical skill or task I have learned, for which I would like to pass on the know-how.    

How to make a delicious stuffed Zucchini... 

1. find zucchinis big enough to stuff, most likely at a farmer's market, where the vegetables are more likely to be allowed to grow to such big potential! 

2. make a "boat" of each of the two halves, by carving out the seeds and some of the zucchini surrounding this. If you want, you can use this extra bit to cook later, adding into your eggs or rice, for instance. 

3. In a frying pan, sauté your stuffings, individually or together. As far as meats go, salmon, ground beef, turkey, chorizo, sausage- all are delicious. Otherwise, you could use tofu, soy substitute, or just go meatless! Add any vegetable you can think of! Bell peppers, mushrooms- I used chunks of tomatoes; onions always add great flavor...; rice is a great filler to add a grain; quinoa would work too! Be creative and use whatever is particularly delicious (or available) at the time!

4. Layer the fillings into the zucchini boat. Here, I put rice first, then my ground beef and onion mix, then tomatoes. Don't forget cheese on top, if you're a dairy eater! 

5. Sprinkle some parsley, oregano, chile pepper... depending on what fillers you used and what you're in the mood for. 

6. Bake for about 40 minutes at about 375 degrees F. This is an absolute estimate- you really just want the zucchini squash to become soft and malleable enough for cutting and chewing. The ingredients on the inside should already all be cooked, so this step is all about the zucchini, and letting all the innards merge together and get nice and toasty in their zucchini boat. Simple, fun, and available to lots of creativity! Enjoy!  

* Gatherer Bees *

for savorers of the sweet stuff

 Though technically members of the "worker bee" category, the gatherers are a specific group that goes out to scavenge for pollen. By wading through the sticky centers of fertile flowers, these bees gather up all of the bundles of perfume-rich pollen onto their bellies and legs, carrying it back to the hive to be used as food for honey-production. In this section of my blog, I will share things that I find to be inspiring- all of the sticky, juicy, colorful, sweet stuff that serves as inspiration for my own creations. 

 These inspiring pictures are from a trip up to Northern New Mexico last week, with one of the growers I met at the local farmer's market. I got to help harvest zucchini, beans, peas, squash, potatoes, and sunflowers, help to sell them at the next market, and then cook with them the meal described above! It is inspiring to me to see this process of food-from-land to table, first-hand. This really encapsulates why I am moving up to the Homestead!  

Step one: Garden! 

Step two: Harvest!

               

                                                       Step three: Market! 

Step four: Dinner!

* Drones * 

for lovers

Drones are the only male bees of the hive,  who mate with the Queen so that she can create new bees and carry on the life of the clan.  In this section of my blog, I will write short essays and stories about things that are important to me when it comes to creation and sustenance of Life, physically and spiritually.

I am quite surrounded by marriages recently; here are some of my reflections on marriage...

I used to be very afraid of the idea of marriage, because I worried that the decision to remain committed to one person would eventually become a legalistic bind that kept two people tied to each other out of obligation, even when real connection was not actively working between them. More recently, I have opened to the view of marriage as saying, "this is a system that supports, sustains, and betters itself; let's continue in this manner!" 

My grandpa once told me that when he didn't know what to do about his relationship situation, he prayed for direction and he saw a vision of my Nona's face. As simple as that, he understood the one he was meant to stay with in his lifetime. And sure enough, they did. I am opening, also for the first time, to the possibility that such clarity of direction in the area of partnership actually may exist with ease.

Such ponderings have also led me to consider the question: after this huge question of life finds some conclusion (which is to say, after I actually do become happily involved with a person who will presumably remain my life partner), what is it that I want to I do with my life? This question, in this context, is very important, because the story often told in American culture, through many different idea forms, is that finding a mutually loving partner also means finding the purpose, the meaningful path forward for one's life. Though a husband, wife, or family may be a huge part of a person's life path, I think it is important to realize that whether married, single, dating, or divorced, each living person must eventually ask of themselves the question of why they are alive. I think that a fulfilling, enduring, beautiful, and productive marriage (or relationship) is one in which both people have a goal they want to accomplish in life that is outside of the relationship in and of itself, so that the substance of how a person lives is not directed all towards the destination of a single other human being. How do you want to give in the world? What gives you satisfaction from life? What gives you peace in the quiet moments of the day? I think marriage is dangerous when it is used as a loud blanket to cover the quiet asking of these questions. However, when two people are able to seek, side by side, the real answers to these questions, answers that are active and resonant in their own living, then I think that doing so as a loving, supportive, acknowledging team can be one of the most joyous ways to experience the simplicities and wonders of living. Many blessings to the newlyweds and soon-to be married people in my own life <3