Once I Wished On a Fountain...

* Queen Bee * 

It's true, not only did I wish on a fountain, but I wished for my wish on a coin that held the dream itself upon its back: an Oregon quarter. It flew into the air over my shoulder and fell with a splash behind my back, and once the coin is tossed, it seems, there's no going back! My bags are packed, with scattered bits to be stuffed or carefully maneuvered into the mix. I have one more week to spend soaking in the pleasures of my family and friends, and mentally preparing myself to recognize a totally new living environment as reality (these things take time for me...). During my last day at work today, I felt like I was in a giant game of Red Rover. "Red rover, red rover, send Melissa on over!" my friends in Oregon cry, and my loved ones here swing me, and swing me, and then fling me off; I anticipate the joy and relief of landing in the arms of my new chain of kindred links soon! 

* Workers * 

for doers and makers 

Some tips for making a light, fluffy, perfect pie crust: 

• Once dry ingredients are mixed, chop up the butter into squares and mix in. These little chunks will melt when baking, giving the crust it's light quality 
• Preferably, use a food processor so the mixing is fast and sustains little contact- do not kneed the dough because the longer and more vigorously it is touched, the more the gluten is released, making it sticky and thick
• When trying to weave the layers on the top, it can be useful use a sheet of wax paper to fold the strips back onto while you weave over and under 
• When baking, remember to cover the edges of the pie with a circle of tin foil whose center had been cut out, this way the center of the pie cooks while the crust doesn't burn! 

Ps. These are all the tips our mom gave us after eating our thick, nutty-flavored whole wheat crust for our Pears-from-Papa's-Tree-Pie, for which we did none of these things. We liked it; it was not light and flaky ;) 

           

* Gatherers * 

for savorers of the sweet stuff 

Here is a song that came to me a couple of months ago, in another full moon.

Sound Cloud recording of Lost Song

In the moon I remember

How hungry I have been

How my belly’s held the burn

How my eyes have seen the rim

Of the edge of the ocean

Where the possible is formed,

Snagging fringes of the question

Of why I was born.

Oh the artist never sleeps  

Holy restless, holy need

Oh you sacred shadow walkers

Oh you half and hoping breed

Can I kiss you, can I hold you

Are there arms enough to reach

Round the vastness of your calling;

Bid me enter bid me breach

Once I dreampt of a home

And since then I heard the word

That it happens in the soul

But I’m sensing still a circle

In the center of my torso

That’s longing even moreso

For a literal, loving home.  

In the rushing forth of water

The river may recall

How the rocks had slowly catered up

How time had built a wall

Oh the freedom of the binding

Of the soul to soul

This disparity’s been finding me

Both bitter, and bold.

(chorus) 

Oh the emptiness I’ve carried

Oh timidity and pain                

Eyes cast downward, waiting patiently

To take all earthly blame

Now the prophet stands on sturdy feet

The people crowd and strangers meet

And listening is clear and soft

And peace is here, the battle’s fought.

Oh weary separate soldiers,

Come and eat, leave your front lines

For the homestead, integrate your head

With living, tell a new tale

Where the brave are quick to listen slow to speak

When the speaking’s in repeat

Of what’s been told, what’s getting old

That we are fighting our way to the final defeat-

(chorus) 

* Drones *

for lovers

Today's reflections took into account some of the many wonderful and fascinating conversations I have had with friends over the last few weeks. I felt especially aware of the way that I can approach any question of life in an intellectual way, and thus any idea may be just that- an argument, a perspective, a persuasion. Though they may be stimulating or good for conversation, ideas and philosophies in and of themselves are not enough to truly satisfy me as I try to live each moment. I began to feel that much confusion and many situations that involve regret, mistakes, or second-doubts are often due to a basic disconnect with oneself. So what does it mean to be myself? I have come to this question thousands of times in my life, and I have come up with any number of intellectually-founded responses! But today I decided to go straight to a new question: what does it feel like to be me ? Taking nice, slow, deep breaths, I asked this question over and over again, and found my answer over and over again. There I was! So easily, so immediately, right behind all of the thoughts, beliefs, and stories that I could, and do, and very well may tell to myself, I already am myself, simply and presently here as Me- who else could it be!? And as I grow older, what this "me" is will most certainly change,  adapt, shift, and expand- but who I could become has very little to do with exactly who I am right now, in this moment. And right now in this moment, all of the parts of me that do currently exist are here, present, and real; I do not have to wait for anything to be fully me as I am now!